Do you remember where you were and what you did exactly on 17 February 1984?

So many useless things in this life! But we cannot escape them. We have an entire life ahead with plenty of time for the chance to play its role, and inevitably at one moment or another, we will stumble across something that looks senseless at first but that will prove to affect us in one way or another. Either to help us or be against us. It’s a shame senseless things can have such power.

Eminescu wrote about humans they are ‘One-day moths upon a mudball’. He reduced us to ‘one-day moths’. Yes, it was in comparison with the big world but still, he sees the humans as insignificant nothing.

He then wondered in his “First Letter” if the geniuses were still humans. I think geniuses are like a ‘rock’ that can… move.

The human being — has a soul, heart, and love for beauty and truth.

The ‘moving rock’ — a philosopher who suffers because he is in love and he is not loved in return, and if he were just a ‘human being’ with heart and soul the entire universe would be at his feet but as a genius, he’s got nothing.

What is the purpose of being a genius if that doesn’t bring you happiness but the opposite — misery and heartache?

Let’s take Eminescu for example. (again)

He was a genius in his poetry, with his poetry, and I feel he was a genius that deserves our compassion as he sounds like something in between — like a ‘moving rock’ with a human heart, and boy what he suffered! You can read the pain in each syllable of his poems.

He didn’t deserve that. He was too sensitive, and he was born as a human being and not from the sun and the sea like the Gods. (expression taken from his poems)

Shakespeare said — “When we are born we cry that we come to this great stage of fools.”

Another genius that sees humanity as a bunch of fools.

They can be pardoned though for the insults as they used the plural — ie they included themselves in the bunch of unhappy geniuses or fools.

It’s rather suspicious to call yourself a fool. Or was it intentionally - as a self-praise?

I submitted on paper some philosophical thoughts during school classes (chemistry and French).

H. thinks it’s funny, so I gave her to read it.

Bye, LMG

Wow! If you understand my philosophical musings at the age of 17, then you are happy. Even for me, it was difficult to translate this from the Romanian language.

I cannot stop being amazed at my naivety and yet the struggle to get it out and write it down. Why keep it in my head? Why worry about my existence, and question the status of genius only in my head?

I could look up to these poets — Eminescu and Shakespeare- like they were Gods.

1984 was still in communist Romania. The revolution will come 5 years later and I would need ten days and buckets of coffee to sit and explain to you what the communist regime meant to us or how was it.

Restrictions upon restrictions, shut your mouth or go to prison, limited and forbidden connections with foreign countries, travel abroad restricted for risk of becoming a defector, limited TV programs, censorship and bureaucracy, and schools with severe and strict attendance, truancy was swiftly punishing your parents, forced to be a communist party member, all life checked and controlled by security service, and I can go on and on about it. They preached democracy and freedom, but it was more like Yes, you can have a Union, but you can’t discuss pay and work conditions.

But I loved school, I was in my element there. I was introverted but loved watching others, and criticizing (of course in my mind), judging, dissecting.

Romanian literature, philosophy, foreign languages, and history were my favorite subjects.

I hated maths, physics chemistry, and anything that was related to technology. So what? I ended up studying engineering, and I am a bookkeeper.

So much about following your dreams.

Strongly related to what I was doing almost 40 years ago, on 17 February 1984, I am ending with some inferences.

1. H. was and is still my best friend, even if for about 20 years we lost contact on and off as she married and moved to the UK and I was trying to survive my own life. Then I moved to Australia.
2. My journal was there not only for my inner thoughts, and my life musings but also as a way to be away from the communist restrictions. It was an escape to a place where I could ‘talk’ politics between the lines, and complain about everything that upset my day. Today we go to see a shrink. But I can tell you, I was afraid to write honest opinions about the country leader or the party. You never knew who could read. I used innuendos.
3. I could not discuss these topics with anybody but H. My family, would not understand me, or others would think it was dangerous to have such conversations. Usually, the ideas hard to comprehend were taken as subversive. This is why literary analysis was a favorite ‘sport’ of mine, we were venting without any risk of being jailed.
4. The communist regime did not appreciate philosophy and all the subjects that we studied in school were carefully censored. Gods and free thinking/speaking could instill ideas of a revolution.
5. Nowadays we do not appreciate what we have and too many things we take for granted. Freedom of speech is one of them.
6. I know I was annoyed by the idea Eminescu was trying to bring with the ‘Letter’. I didn’t agree with him. I couldn’t understand at that time why was he so unhappy. I can see it now, the lost artist, trying to express in rhymes and metaphors his views and feelings and doing it so beautifully.
7. I used my life lessons to bring up my children, teach them about the truth and fairness, and tell them that they can use their voice, there is no political regime to restrict them. But it is not a freedom to take lightly or abuse.

As pointless as it all seemed at that time, it was a learning curve, and today I can see that Medium makes it easier for me, it ‘gives me wings’ like Red Bull.

And so, I do the same — I use the power of the pen.

It almost feels as if time froze in one moment, on 17 February 1984.